To See The World In A Grain Of Sand
by Zero-Divide
Summary: The Agony of Self Perception
1. The Run

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Black Donnelly's.**

**AN: Just a short drabble. I guess you could insert this anywhere after Jimmy found Louie's phonebook. **

"**Nobody likes to follow the rules"**

"You could have warned me ya know?"

Kevin Donnelly wiped a dirty beer rag over his face, and took a second to marvel out how much blood was transferred, "I think you got _skull_ on me!"

"Stop being a baby, Kevin, and hurry up." Jimmy hissed.

The elder brother was on the other side of the bathroom, vigorously wiping down the semi-automatic he had recently used to blow the back of Johnny Butane's brain clear from his skull. Jimmy had originally thought that finding Louie Downtown's phone book had been a gift from god, but sadly it had turned more into a burden than anything else. Whoever said that collecting money was an easy job was either an idiot, or the worst book keeper on the face of the planet.

Jimmy didn't have any disillusions about his intelligence. He knew that he wasn't the sharpest tack in the drawer and that school had been nothing more than a very long and boring waste of time, but to him book keeping seemed like something that a person with the IQ of a cucumber could accomplish

The process seemed simple enough to him, but nobody wanted to follow the rules.

Rule #1- You place a bet.

Rule #2- You lose the bet.

Rule #3- You pay your bookie.

It was a three-step process that was so simple to follow it bordered on being inane, but people NEVER wanted to follow the rules. Recently, the "three-step-bookie rule", as Kevin called it, had been drawn out to include several other steps that always seemed to end with the gamblers' face and limbs left in bruised disarray. Rather than following the easy _play, lose, pay_ structure, it had turned into _you play, you lose, you run, you hide, you make excuses, you get beaten, and THEN you pay_. For the life of him, Jimmy didn't understand why gamblers enjoyed getting their asses beat on a weekly basis, but hey, if they wanted it so bad he had no reservations about doling them out. Jimmy Donnelly, was of course, a man of the people. So if it was a beating they wanted, who was he to deny them?

Sometimes he would wake up hoping for a day without incident, especially on the days when his leg would start acting up, or if Kevin was particularly annoying (like today). However, nothing in Jimmy's life had ever been easy, so it made little sense for there to be a miraculous turn around now. Besides, the job did have its' entertaining moments. If they didn't run and hide, the gamblers always had an excuse, and lord did they have some excuses:

_"Just gimme a few days, business has been slow."_

Followed by…

_"I'll pay you when I get paid."_ Which was the fan favorite.

_"I had to pay the rent."_

_"I had to pay the babysitter."_

_"Taxes, Jimmy! Uncle Sam is bustin my hump ova here! Ev'rybody wants a piece of me and now you?!"_

_"My dog ate it!"_

The dog excuse was quite possibly the most hilarious excuse he had heard since finding Louie's phone book. It had given him such a laugh that he only opted to break the guys thumbs rather than all of his fingers. Let it not be said that Jimmy Donnelly did not possess a sense of humor, and a compassionate heart. After all, he was a man of the people.

Suddenly, the rag flew across the room, "Ugh, Why do you have to go overboard, Jimmy?!" Kevin yelled in irritation, "I mean, I was fucking standing right behind the guy, you could have shot me!"

Jimmy didn't look up, "You know you sound like ma when you whine, Kevin? Keep it up, it's real manly…"

"Shut up, Jimmy! What if that guy had AIDS, or the plague or something? I think some of it got in my mouth." As the words left his mouth, he dry heaved for a moment and began to spit uncontrollably in the corner. Soon, the creak of a rusted faucet was heard followed by running water

Jimmy sighed again as he finished wiping the gun down and loaded a new clip, "Your never gonna have sex with a girl anyway, so it wouldn't matter if you did get AIDS, Kevin."

Kevin looked up from the sink, water dribbling from his chin, "That's not even funny, Jimmy."

He shrugged, a sardonic smirk gracing his rugged features, "That's one man's opinion. Now hurry the hell up, we got more runs to make."


	2. The Break

Disclaimer: I do not own The Black Donnellys

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Author's Note: Forgive the lateness. It took a while to get something i could work with, but i should have part two up momentarily. 

P.S. I am in dire need of a Beta Reader! If anybody is a beta reader, or wants to refer a beta reader to me, I would greatly appreciate it. Helps to churn out the stories a little quicker.

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**The Break**

**"And there he lay, battered and beaten, asking the world for forgiveness..."**

"Tommy, I know you're supposed to be the smart one and everything…" Jimmy muttered, as began methodically placing a clip in the .45 caliber he kept under the bar, "But that has to be the dumbest thing you could've done. If you wanted Dokey to kill us, you should've at least let me know so I could've got my hits in too."

Tommy Donnelly sat at the bar of the Firecracker with his face buried in his hands, blatantly ignoring the criticism his older brother hurled at him. The beer he had poured himself upon walking inside lay untouched, along with the 9mm he had recently used to pistol whip the current "head" of the Irish mob. Slowly, he let his face fall from his hands as a defeated sigh escaped his lips. His palms caught his forehead, and he stared blankly at the water-stained wood of the bar counter.

"Jimmy is right, Tommy," Kevin's voice sounded from somewhere behind him. "Those were all neighborhood people. They wouldn't have snitched on us cause they hate Dokey almost as much as we do. It really wasn't one of your brightest decisions."

Whether Kevin's words had hit a nerve or not was up for debate, but at that specific moment, something profound happened inside Tommy Donnelly. For the briefest of instances, every muscle in Tommy's body constricted as all the pressure he had been feeling since he murdered Huey and Sal became too much to bear. To many things were happening too quickly and he couldn't seem to get a grip on the world around him. It hit with such intensity that he literally felt the bar stool tilt underneath him.

His jaw clenched and his lips curled inward into a painful grimace. His eyes screwed themselves shut so tightly that it caused tears to form at their corners. His hand curled into a death grip so forceful that, had he been holding the beer mug, it surely would have shattered in his hands. It was at that moment, that the careful control Tommy Donnelly had been maintaining on all of his conflicting feelings finally broke through his stony exterior. Fear and anxiety coated his features, as regret and hopelessness wrenched at his heart. He felt as his lungs constricted, and the air in the room became to thick to draw into his chest. The inability to take in air caused his body to seize up further and jerk forward. In all honesty, it looked as if Tommy had suddenly been the victim of a mild seizure, and had his brothers been paying any attention, they probably would have agreed.

However, Jimmy had wandered to the window where Sean and Joey Ice Cream had stationed themselves, and was currently engaged in a heated debate as to what kind of car Dokey drove, whether or not he had hired snipers to kill them from the rooftops, and if he had, whether or not it was a good idea to be standing so close to the window. Kevin, on the other hand, had busied himself with loading and reloading every piece of artillery in the bar, which consisted of a 9mm beretta, a glock 36, two .45 calibers, and a vast array of cutlery items Jimmy had stolen from the mall.

Suddenly, almost is quickly as it came, the emotional spasm left him. The muscles in Tommy's face relaxed, and his breathing returned to normal, almost as if it never happened at all. The event being oblivious to everyone but him.

"Hey, Tommy! Dokey doesn't own any of those…those…weapons of mass destruction right?" Jimmy yelled from across the bar.

Tommy didn't even blink.

When a response did not follow his question, Jimmy waved his hand dismissively in Tommy's general direction and turned back to Joey and Sean.

Tommy had not even heard his brother. In fact, Tommy wasn't even in the bar. Though he physically sat at the bar stool, drink and semi-automatic pistol before him, Tommy Donnelly was lost in the recesses of his mind. Once again, he watched himself pistol whip Dokey and drag him by the collar across the beer soaked ground of the bar. Once more, he watched as his face became taut with rage as anger radiated throughout his body while he mercilessly began to beat Dokey, with every intention of killing him. Once more, he watched himself abrupty stop mid kick as he heard the words of Mr. Riley resonate in his head.

_"Don't you give me that crap, all you Donnelly's are the same. You're just like your damn father!"_


	3. The Rage

Disclaimer: I do not own the Black Donnelly's.

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**The Rage**

_**"Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy."**_

**__**

Growing up in the neighborhood, there were two people that struck terror in the hearts of all the children. The first was Dokey, for obvious reasons, but the second was Mr. Riley. With the exception of his own daughter, Mr. Riley detested all the neighborhood youth with a fervent passion that bordered on sadistic. Children were not allowed in the diner after the hours of three o clock without a parent present, and those unfortunate enough to be caught loitering out front were quickly dispatched from the premises with the hose he used to wash down the sidewalk.

Every weekday, promptly at 2:50 the school bells would ring, signaling the end of tests and homework for all children in the area. Those same bells would also give Mr. Riley his cue to set up his lawn chair on the sidewalk Thus, when school let out, all the children knew that when they came onto Addison Ave they were to cross the street, keep their heads down, and not make any sudden movements, because "Mean Ol' Riley" would assuredly be seated outside, hose in hand. It embarrassed Jenny to no end, but he ignored his daughter's indignant pleas. The children here were delinquents in training, and if he didn't keep a watchful eye, they would overrun the neighborhood with candy wrappers, toys, and other such nonsense.

Though consumed with determined scorn, Mr. Riley was a fair man and he generally divvied his hate equally amongst all the neighborhood children, making his disdain for all of them abundantly clear. However, Jenny's father held a special spot of resentment for four specific children, the Donnelly brothers. Aside from the fact that he had his own grudge against Bobby, Mr. Riley has had, and maintained a personal gripe against Tommy Donnelly since the young man was ten years old. The reason being that no matter how hard he tried, or how many other children he attempted to tolerate, he simply could not keep his Jenny away from that boy.

Obviously as a father, he didn't want to see his only daughter with any boy, and if he had his way he would have mailed Jenny of to a convent the moment she turned 13. Realistically, he knew that he couldn't really do that (postage fees would simply be ridiculous), but Mr. Riley would willingly bring on any other suitor as long as it wasn't the son of that rat bastard Bobby Donnelly.

"Bobby Donnelly, the Guardian of the neighborhood my ass…" Was on of his favorite lines whenever somebody would come into the diner praising the fallen Donnelly because it was the biggest load of crap he had ever heard. Nobody knew the sins that Bobby Donnelly committed in order to attain his so called "sainthood", or the skeletons held in his closet.

Amidst the chaos and questions that surrounded his murder, everybody seemed to forget that above all else, Bobby Donnelly was a gangster who associated with other gangsters, and thus led a gangster's lifestyle. When he died, everybody seemed to forget the moments when Bobby went out to collect protection money from the shops. No one was there when Mr. Riley put his foot down in refusal, and Bobby Donnelly subsequently put his foot down all over Mr. Riley's skull. Nobody said a word when people disappeared, or someone was seen the next morning with a few extra bruises on their face. Mr. Riley saw it though, and he always remembered it. He remembered every bruise and scar that Bobby Donnelly ever gave him, and would hold it against him even after the day he died.

As far as he was concerned, the Bobby Donnelly that everybody knew was a lie. He knew the truth, and merely counted the days until all of Bobby's misdeeds finally caught up with him. In fact, on the day of the funeral Jenny had asked to go and he told her no (she went anyway), he closed up the shop early, went up to his room and held a quiet celebration,

_ 'Ding Dong the Donnelly is dead, the Donnelly is dead, the Donnelly is dead!' _Was a catchy little tune he had sang to himself that day, and it stayed in his mind long into the evening.

In the back of his head, Mr. Riley knew that regardless of his less than pleasant feelings for the man that Bobby Donnelly did die tragically and was leaving behind a family. However, Mr. Riley was also a practical person and a die hard Irishman who believed in hard work, keeping his nose clean, and minding his own business. He had been extended an offer to work with Bobby, Huey, and that Italian, but he knew what became of people who associated with Italians, and hastily turned it down. That diner was all he owned in the world, and he wanted nothing to do with anything that would jeopardize that. The simple fact that Bobby Donnelly and the rest of his little group wanted a piece of that burned him to no end. It was something he simply could not over look, and he never forgave Bobby for it. Mr. Riley hated Bobby Donnelly for a lot of things not including the diner, and subsequently hated Tommy Donnelly for most of those things even though those things occurred before Tommy was even born.

The irony of the entire situation was that, although Mr. Riley detested Bobby and Tommy with every fiber of his being, he had always held a soft spot in his heart for Helen. It was this soft spot, however, that made him hate Bobby Donnelly even more. He hated Bobby for putting his hands on him, and he also hated Bobby for trying to extort the Diner. However, more than all of that, he hated Bobby for leaving Helen as a widow. This was also his reason for hating Tommy, and why he always tried his best to keep the boy away from his daughter.

Tommy was so much like his father it was ridiculous and it was only a matter of time before he met the same fate. Mr. Riley saw the pain, devastation, and sheer loneliness that Helen wore on her face after Bobby passed away, and he did not want Jenny to have any part of it. So, as any father would, he did his best to protect his daughter. Even if it caused her to hate him, he didn't care. All he wanted was for Jenny to be happy, and he knew in his heart that even if Tommy meant well, it would inevitably lead to tragedy and he simply could not allow that, not as long as he still lived and breathed.

However, as admirable as Mr. Riley's stance was, he should have known that it would always be Jenny Riley's fate to forever lament a Donnelly.

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Authors Note:

I always found Mr. Riley to be an interesting character, because he is so much like the typical cantankerous old man who is just angry and belligerent for no good reason.

Well i decided to give him a reason, and this is what came out.

Despite the fact that we all like Bobby Donnelly, it cannot be denied that he was a gangster, who was involved in gangster activities. And yes, his conscience may have caught up with him when it came to the neighborhood, but i refuse to believe that he wasnt involved in some really shady shit.

Besides, for every person that likes you, there is always 2 or 3 people who hate you.


End file.
